i’m dreaming of a stress-free christmas

at the time of writing this piece, it is mid-november & already christmas is everywhere. fenwick’s window has been up & running for what seems like weeks, the supermarkets are teeming with bright red festive displays & the department stores are playing ‘now that’s what i call christmas’ on a loop

every television ad, lit by firelight & fairy dust, presents us with the ideal image of what our lives should look like during the festive period – from the whirlwind of glamorous pre-christmas parties, to the scene of the perfect family, getting along famously, as they tuck into their perfectly cooked turkey. christmas is about being with friends & family we are told, it’s about giving & receiving loads of expensive stuff & it’s about having a fantastic time, no matter what & if it’s not like that then quite frankly, you have ‘failed’. so much pressure, so much expectation placed on just one day…

whilst christmas (& the build up to it) can of course be wonderful, it can also be a source of immense stress. a stress that often goes unacknowledged because it’s christmas & we are obliged to greet it with childlike enthusiasm at all times, lest we get labelled the grinch. so we struggle on, accepting all invitations & agreeing through gritted teeth to have those distant cousins over for christmas dinner, because what difference will another couple of mouths to feed make anyway?!

the good news is that the single most stressful aspect of christmas is the expectation that we place upon ourselves. good news – because this means we can do something about it. we become so attached to the fantasy idea of how it is supposed to be, that we are prepared to run ourselves into the ground both financially & physically to make it so. we take on too many commitments, push ourselves to buy too many expensive gifts & take on far too much responsibility for everyone else’s enjoyment. in so doing, we can make it impossible for ourselves to have a good time

here are some top tips on how to avoid this pitfall of the festive season….

1) fully embrace the word ‘no’

all too often we take on too much around this time of year, be it trying to squeeze too many events into our diaries or having more people over than we can manage. when we overstretch ourselves like this we very quickly become tired, stressed & resentful & so it is important to not only know our own limits, but also to fiercely protect these boundaries. think about your christmas plans & be honest with yourself. have you committed yourself to social events or responsibilities that feel too much? and if so, how can you get out of them? saying “no” can be very difficult, especially at this time of year, but sometimes it is the most important thing that we can do, if we are to prevent ourselves from getting burnt out

2) lighten the load

check that you’re not taking on too much responsibility for the enjoyment of others. everyone can play their part in making christmas special, so share out the jobs with the people around you. for example, if you’re hosting a christmas party or a family christmas, why not get everyone to bring a dish? asking for even a tiny bit of help will take some of the pressure off you, which can make a big difference to how you feel

3) it is what it is so try & make the best of it

if like the rest if us, your life is not perfect, you may find that christmas has the power to really bring that into focus, making it harder to bear than at other times of the year. perhaps you’ll be spending christmas alone this year, maybe you’ve lost a loved one & this will be the first christmas without them, or you have an ongoing family conflict, which has the potential to simmer over. whatever your situation, it’s important to think about the potential challenges of christmas in advance, so that you can be prepared

be really clear about what the issues are & then ask yourself the following questions… is this a situation that i can change? if the answer if yes, what could you do about it? if the answer is no, is there anything that you could do to make the day a little easier? tackling the issues head on will help to ease any anxiety that you may have about the day & help you to make the best of your situation

4) remember to have a good time

the pressure that we feel around christmas often centres upon material things, the quality of the food, how nice the christmas tree looks, the gifts bought etc.  yet when we reflect on previous christmases we tend to focus upon the experience i.e. how we actually felt, which has very little to do with the aforementioned list

of course you want yourself & your loved ones to enjoy the day, but remember that how well you’ve timed the cooking of the meal will have little to no impact upon this. so take the pressure off, stop striving for perfection & just focus on having a nice time

5) savour the moment

it is so easy to get caught up in the ‘doing’ of christmas, there’s so much to think about that it can be all consuming. this however often adds to the stress that we feel, so it’s essential to step away from the ‘to do’ list & make some time for yourself to relax, both in the build up & during the actual day. put whatever you’re doing down, look around you & just take a few moments to breathe & be in the moment. this is your christmas, it is as it is & it only comes once a year, so you might as well do your best to try to enjoy it